Last week I went on an amazing retreat. I was with women of a similar age, where I did not feel judged and only experienced support and encouragement. On Saturday our facilitator discussed how to transition back into everyday life after the retreat – take a few days to ease into it, not putting yourself in situations that may overstimulate you.

Unfortunately, I did not do a good job planning for this transition time. It took me almost 12 hours to get home Sunday. Monday and Tuesday I worked at the Registrar’s office during a contentious governor race. I had to put my game face on and be polite and impartial to several people who wanted to take out their frustrations on us. I scheduled two doctors’ appointments for Wednesday and a tea tour on Thursday. We are leaving for vacation soon, so I am taking care of a lot of last-minute shopping and packing. My frustration has turned into anger that there is a possibility that our flight will be cancelled due to the government shutdown. The not-knowing what to expect is causing anxiety about losing our investment and forcing us to make contingency plans, taking even more money and energy from us.

I was thinking this morning about how the transition into retirement is similar to my current situation. Just as when I was working in my first career, my time at the retreat was predictable, I knew what to expect, there were some assurances built in that provided a safety net, and I felt like I was in control. This week has been unbelievably stressful, not just because I over planned but also because the rules and expectations have been thrown out the window. The good thing about retirement is that there really are no rules. That is also one of the bad things about retirement.

I am still surprised when someone says that they will be going on a permanent vacation when they retire. Not only is that undesirable in that even vacation gets old after a while, but it is also unrealistic to think there will be no more problems to overcome. If you can be flexible and look at every roadblock and hiccup as either a challenge or an adventure, you will survive and probably thrive. If you react like I currently am, you will probably struggle more than necessary. However, because I have taken some time to focus on what I can control, I am now staying both positive and patient and am able to adjust as needed.

Resilience is the ability to recover quickly and effectively from difficulties, setbacks, or stressful situations. It involves mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility that helps individuals adapt to change, overcome challenges, and remain focused and confident in the face of adversity. Resilience is also a skill that can be developed over time with practice. If you are not very resilient now, you can build that up so that future chaotic situations will not sidetrack you. I believe this current situation will help me increase my resiliency leading to the benefits of better stress management, improved mental health, enhanced problem-solving skills, increased adaptability, greater perseverance, optimism and confidence, and better overall wellbeing. It is a journey of growth and self-discovery where your feelings of frustration, uncertainty and vulnerability will eventually transform into a sense of empowerment, increased confidence, and emotional strength. Just because you move into the “retirement” years does not mean you no longer need to be resilient, so be prepared to find new ways to adapt and grow.

I hope you can join me at either my upcoming book club or in-person workshop in December. In each meeting we dive into some of the areas where retirement doesn’t go as you expected or planned. Check out the events page to learn more.

“Storms make trees take deeper roots.” – Dolly Parton, Facebook, August 31, 2009