My Roots in Improvement

My family feels I am too much into self-help, but I am drawn to always trying to improve both myself and my situation. I loved being a trainer and facilitator and was in my element as a Lean Six Sigma Black Belt.

When I was a kid, I remember my dad reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and about the 12 Spiritual Exercises by St. Ignatius of Loyola. [Fun fact – my dad studied to become a Jesuit priest after high school!] He is the reason that I have my love of reading and the desire for education and improvement even when my limitations were daunting.

I had always believed a disciplined life would be beneficial, helping me to stay focused and to meet my goals.  For a while now, I have been making my life better in multiple ways. Rarely have I ever succeeded in making a full-blown change overnight (the exception being when Ben and I decided to go vegan and I managed to do it for 9 years!). My health is a priority for me, but I am not willing to go to the extreme measures we practiced when we were vegan – daily juicing was time consuming and expensive!

The Reality of Slow Change

I also recognize with my Hashimoto’s that big changes backfire, so I need to make small changes and be consistent. Losing weight could only be achieved s-l-o-w-l-y and with a lot of focused effort to exercise and track my food intake.   Kaizen, a Japanese philosophy meaning “continuous improvement,” is a mainstay of my life with its cyclical problem-solving and elimination of wasteful practices.  I remember reading the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, and his advice on habit stacking has stuck with me.

This past week I realized how all these thoughts and practices had converged and melded into my personal ideology. When choosing anchor words, I tend towards ones that are encouraging, inspiring, and actionable. When setting goals, I figure out the why behind them so I can keep moving forward even when I am discouraged. When breaking down a goal into tasks, I focus on taking small steps and being consistent. I set up my environment to work with me and not against me.

Overcoming the Obstacles

And probably most importantly, I do not give up. It took me 11 years and five schools over five moves between four states to finish my bachelor’s degree while being a Navy wife and practically a single parent to two little girls. There were so many times I wondered if I should give up, whenever another obstacle rose in front of me. Instead, I would regroup and march forward on a slightly different path than originally planned.

Most people don’t know this about me, but this was extremely difficult due to my dislike of change. As a child, I cried uncontrollably when my mother rearranged the living room or when plans were altered. I was floored when college did not go the way I thought it should the first go-round. I got panic attacks giving small speeches in class and hated being the center of attention. I was painfully shy and introverted. I suffered from agoraphobia but forced myself to overcome my fear of being trapped because the only choice was to power through it.

But there are several pivotal moments where I had to change my mindset and embrace life as it was, not as I wanted it. Unfortunately, my efforts often required a two-by-four to the head (metaphorically) – I suffered from gallbladder disease and nearly killed myself when my liver stopped working when I wouldn’t let up on going to school full-time and working part-time while raising the girls – so I am constantly learning how to have balance. It has gotten easier as I have gotten older and somewhat wiser as I realized 1) I am worthy and competent and capable and don’t need others’ approval and 2) people are not focused on me at all so I don’t need to be overly concerned and self-conscious to the point of losing sleep and having internal integrity battles. Working for a narcissistic boss has scarred me but I survived with better boundaries and am mentally healthier than ever.

Asking the Right Questions

I know how hard it is to change but I also know how worthwhile it is to move towards a better situation. I don’t have the answers but I work hard to ask the right questions to help others and myself find a way forward that will lead to fewer regrets as we go through a transition that is very personal and typically has plenty of restraints. I am now energized by this cycle of reviewing and revising as circumstances change, but it could be intimidating when life feels unstable. I am convinced that taking on new challenges promotes growth that will help me continue to build confidence and lead a more fulfilling life. How do you handle transitions when your time, money, health, or even power feel restricted?